OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
