ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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