Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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