no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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