I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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