So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
