u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
