last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
