Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
