3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
