He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
