Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
