THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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