Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
