So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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