I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
