I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
