i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
