I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
