Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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