While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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