Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
