I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
