i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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