I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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