so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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