I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
