Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
