is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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