You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
