i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
