I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sext me about skeletons
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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