In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
