I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
