wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
