I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
honey bunches of taint.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
