It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
