My hand turned me down
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
