Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
