tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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