I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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