This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
