I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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