I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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