We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
