the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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