I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
