Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
