think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
