I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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