Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
